Friday, July 17, 2009
Danny Donuts In: The Case of The Stolen Donutmobile
It was a sunny morning in the city of Chicago. It’s not often a private eye like me sees the morning sun, but today was different. I was working on my new van. It wasn’t much of a looker, but I got a good deal on it… $450. Purchased it from a shady character in a shady part of town… 130th and Torrence. The guy had me meet him in the parking lot of a closed-up greasy spoon. He claims he didn’t know much about it… the van, not the diner. Fellow owed him some money so he gave him the van. I didn’t care. He had the title and everything looked legit. And besides, some guy is driving around town in the van that was stolen from me and he doesn’t have a title or keys. Come to think of it, he doesn’t have brakes either. I needed to get something and I needed something fast.
When my stolen property is recovered, I’ll be glad of my recent acquisition… seeing as though I bought a duplicate make, model and year. Yep, another 1993 Plymouth Grand Voyager. I could use some parts and my old van definitely had parts. My cell phone rang. It was Dave. He got some mail over at the old place and it looked official. Holding it up to the light he could see it was a Notice of Violation from the guys down at City Hall. I gave him permission to open it, even though I knew he already did that. A photo of my last van. Parked on some street neither Dave or I had ever heard of. You know the street is obscure when Dave the Limo Guy has never heard of it. They nailed me for $50 for a missing front license plate. It had the plate before it was stolen. This was the clue I was waiting for.
I rounded up some accomplices and went to steal it back. Hoped no one would be sleeping in it when we found it. We found Fuller Street, a sad little angled street only 3 blocks long, bordered by Archer, the river and the old quarry and underneath the tracks and the Stevenson. We came up empty. The picture was taken two weeks ago. Who knows where it is now. Just like a plumber has leaky pipes and a builder lives in an unfinished house, I can crack any case in this town except my own.
My new van ain’t so bad. I’m kind of getting attached to it. She’s got 170,000 miles on her, but she wears ‘em well. I put a couple of ironing boards on the roof rack so the hoodlums will think twice about stealing this one. You just don’t steal a van from a guy who puts ironing boards up on the roof. You don’t know what kinda nut you’re dealing with… and what he’s capable of doing if he catches ya. Here’s a picture of the new ride.
As far as Donutmobiles go, this is like the Super hero of Donutmobiles, so I’m calling this one The Super Donutmobile. They can’t keep me down. This time they got away, but it’s only a matter of time before the next ticket comes in the mail. I’ll keep ya posted on any new developments.
When my stolen property is recovered, I’ll be glad of my recent acquisition… seeing as though I bought a duplicate make, model and year. Yep, another 1993 Plymouth Grand Voyager. I could use some parts and my old van definitely had parts. My cell phone rang. It was Dave. He got some mail over at the old place and it looked official. Holding it up to the light he could see it was a Notice of Violation from the guys down at City Hall. I gave him permission to open it, even though I knew he already did that. A photo of my last van. Parked on some street neither Dave or I had ever heard of. You know the street is obscure when Dave the Limo Guy has never heard of it. They nailed me for $50 for a missing front license plate. It had the plate before it was stolen. This was the clue I was waiting for.
I rounded up some accomplices and went to steal it back. Hoped no one would be sleeping in it when we found it. We found Fuller Street, a sad little angled street only 3 blocks long, bordered by Archer, the river and the old quarry and underneath the tracks and the Stevenson. We came up empty. The picture was taken two weeks ago. Who knows where it is now. Just like a plumber has leaky pipes and a builder lives in an unfinished house, I can crack any case in this town except my own.
My new van ain’t so bad. I’m kind of getting attached to it. She’s got 170,000 miles on her, but she wears ‘em well. I put a couple of ironing boards on the roof rack so the hoodlums will think twice about stealing this one. You just don’t steal a van from a guy who puts ironing boards up on the roof. You don’t know what kinda nut you’re dealing with… and what he’s capable of doing if he catches ya. Here’s a picture of the new ride.
As far as Donutmobiles go, this is like the Super hero of Donutmobiles, so I’m calling this one The Super Donutmobile. They can’t keep me down. This time they got away, but it’s only a matter of time before the next ticket comes in the mail. I’ll keep ya posted on any new developments.
